Archive for May, 2011


I know you read my blog. Listen, someone is messing with my comments over there. I am NOT telling you to trust you prince, but the exact opposite! Whoever is messing with my comments is twisting my words to you.

Here’s my original comment: I’m really worried about you, Fiona. You’re being isolated and manipulated. DON’T TRUST YOUR PRINCE. I don’t think he’s a prince at all. Can you remember a face, even now? Faces are important. He’s getting inside your head, giving you things you want. You can’t trust it. You can’t trust any of it.

The gobbledygook made it look like: IอŸ TRUST YOUR PRINCE. I think heโ€™s a prince Heโ€™s iving you things you want. trust it. trust it.

(It’s making me really nervous copy-pasting that stuff into my blog, so I tried to delete it.)

This was John’s original comment: Gafahr: To be in danger. oh no mr. prince asshole, you’re not gonna put Fiona in danger! Fiona you need to wake up and get the hell out of there right NOW. stay with house, sleep in the same bedroom with your dad but you must NOT BE IN THAT ROOM ALONE.

The Matrix shit made it say: Fiona you need to stay sleep you must BE ALONE IN THAT ROOM

This NOT what John and I were saying!

Late last night I checked your blog and saw this stuff, so I posted a new comment, too worried to take time to long in. I told you to GET OUT and GET OUT NOW, trying to choose language that would be impossible to change for misinterpretation, and whoever is messing with your account made is say MIAU MIO over and over again. Then today you posted more from that creepyass children’s book and it had a story with those words and Fiona I am so terrified for you right now. I am so so scared. I would comment on your site again but I don’t think you’d see it. I hope, man, I pray you read this and GET AWAY. This isn’t going to end. It’ isn’t going to end and I don’t want you to die. You were reading my blog just a few days ago, saying you heard that shit in my audio which someone apparently thinks was someone warning me and I’m warning now Fiona you have to leave you have to leave you have to get away.

Go to your dad or mr officer or whatever I don’t care but don’t stay in that room anymore and don’t open a window and don’t TRUST PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE FACES. PEOPLE WITHOUT FACES KILL.


FUCK! FUck fuckity fuck fuck fiuck it!

So agitated I’m having trouble typing. I made an image to post in her comments, hoping that would get through when my words didn’t. This:


He changed it to this:

Oh god. Look at the url.

I am so freaked out now. I can’t do this. Oh god. She’s going to die and there’s nothing I can do. I tried to email her but I know it won’t work. God dammit. I’m crying.

I don’t really know this girl. I only ever read her blog, never talked to her in person or anything, don’t even know what she looks like. But she’s seventeen, same as me, and she’s going to die, and there’s nothing I can do.

I’m sorry, Fiona. I’m so fucking scared now, and not just for you.

Ed again

and here’s our email exchange
to adele t
date Sun, May 29, 2011 at 9:31 PM
subject Re: Miau, mio

hide details 9:31 PM (1 hour ago)

Hey Adele!

I just saw your comments, too. What’s with that miau mio? Are you a German kitty all of a sudden? ๐Ÿ™‚
It’s almost a bit unsettling, though. The cats in the book cried miau mio to warn the girl of the fire and to cry for help. So, not nice implications you give me there. But don’t worry, I’m not going to go near any fire anytime soon. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Bye, Adele!

On Sun, May 29, 2011 at 9:54 PM, adele t wrote:

Miau, mio miau mio. Miau mio miau mio? Miau, mio miau mio miau mio miau mio miau mio miau mio miau mio miau mio miau, mio? Miau mio miau mio miau mio.

it should go without saying that that is not what I wrote.


Partying, partying yeah

I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with Eddie’s headset. It has some sort of echo-y thing going on. So I won’t use it anymore. Maybe I’ll get my own microphone, if I want to keep doing voice posts. Sorry for the poor quality on my previous recordings. I kinda want to take them down now, knowing they’re all corrupted, but they’re part of my story so I’m leaving them up.

Here’s a picture I took of my hand the other day (warning, a bit gross).


It looks worse than it is, I think. Full range of motion is back and it only aches now and then. Soon it will just be a scar.

Baxter is just as friendly as he ever was. More so, even. I’m leaving his cage open when I’m in the room, and he’s taken to sleeping curled up against my neck all night. (Don’t worry, he won’t get squished. I don’t move much in my sleep and he’s a nimble little rodent.) He seems to feel safer as long as I’m nearby, and I like having him close, too.

Hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend, weekend.

New voice post

My hand still hurts a little, so here’s another audio post. May 24 post

I don’t know what Eddie was talking about. I was not listening to youtube clips or running a fan while I was recording. At least he gave me back my laptop…

YES Adele I AM allergic to commas. If you keep criticizing your transcribing person you won’t have one anymore.

Anyway. This is super boring so I’m just gonna sum up the rest of the recording. Adele went to the bathroom to try to take care of it herself because shes an idiot. And she started feeling faint and went and laid down on the couch and moaned. She was calling for her mother but she doesn’t remember that but she totally was I was there and I know. Our parents came out and took care of her and everything. She was worried because she didn’t want Dad to be mad at Baxter because he hadn’t wanted to have a rat in the house to begin with but they wanted to be her foster parents so they took him too. She doesn’t understand why Mom and Dad wanted to be her foster parents but they did. So she made this recording because she wanted to tell someone what was going on or whatever.

Seriusly Adele if you don’t show Dad your hand I will. It looks bad and that hydrogen stuff your using isn’t helping at all.

And we wanted to be your foster family because your a good person and you deserve a chance. I know you don’t believe it but its true. If you want to delete this post you’ll have to get your hand better so you can come on and fix it. I’m gonna post embarassing stuff here if you don’t. I saw you type your password and I know what it is now. I’m hiding your computer until you get your hand fixed. Its kinda gross now.

Um gotta think of more embarassing stuff. Hey guys you know what else Adele likes? David Bowie. Yeah. Her email address is if you want to write and tell her to get her hand fixed too.

Get your hand taken care of Adele for real.

Hey guys this is Eddie. Adele logged me in to transcribe her thingy. Her rat tale I’m calling it. Hahaha! I crack myself up.

Hey Adele next time you record something don’t play youtube clips or whatever while you do it. The mike didn’t pick it up real good but its still annoying. And don’t run a fan right next to you or whatever you did. For real that needs to stop.

Oh its on. Hello little blog. My hand really hurts. Kind of swollen it got all swollen. My fingers won’t touch. My index finger and my thumb. The doctor saw it yesterday and I’m fine I don’t need stitches I didn’t need stitches and I got a tetanus shot and all that. But it started swelling up today and I don’t want my new parents to see it. I don’t want anyone to see it. Because. And its not because I’m stoic. This fucking hurts. Its just. It would make my new dad even more mad than he already was and I don’t want him to be more mad because… I’m gonna have to start over.

Okay I gathered my thoughts so to speak. Its really clumsy using my left hand for everything. Anyway it happened Sunday night in the middle of the night. I heard… I don’t know if you’ve ever heard a rat scream? But its really awful its a really awful sound. And I mean you know rats squeak mice they squeak but when they squeak its because there in pain or there afraid or there in danger its a warning thing. A lot of times Baxter makes little you know chirping noises. He grinds his teeth together its called bruxing. He makes all kinds of little noises.

But I’ve never heard him scream before. STUPID LOUD FAN NOISE. And I stumbled over to his cage and I was sort of just half awake and I knew that something was going on and he just sounded so scared. And I heard his tail rattling its what rats do when there about to attack something. And and half asleep I just thought theres another rat in there that got there in the cage. And it was so stupid. I stuck my hand in there and and Baxter bit me. He bit me on the kind of the web of flesh between your index finger and your thumb and he bit me really hard and really deep.

And rats when they bite they like you know how they have fangs they kind of separate the bottom two fangs and drive those deep in and kind of tear with there top fangs. And I know he didn’t mean to do it. It was totally an accident. Baxter has never bit me ever. He’s the tamest, sweetest little rat you ever saw. But well I stumbled away. I kind of had to shake him off which ripped it even more. And I went to turn on the light and theres blood welling up and dripping on the floor.

This is taking for fucking ever so I’m gonna come back later. But seriously Adele you should just show Dad your hand. He won’t be mad. Well maybe a little. But he’s not gonna get rid of Baxter.

I picked all the categories for this just cuz. You can fix it later.




bad news. hurt hand. dad takin to doc today. will explain later.


Baxter is out!

Yay, I have my ratty back! I lured him out with much coaxing, using little bits of pecan, which is his favorite treat. I tried it earlier, but today it finally worked. I took out his food bowl for a few hours so he’d be hungry, then held a bit of nut in front of the hole in his hidey box and made clicking noises. At first he would only stick his nose out a little way, and I gave him a piece of pecan, then the next time held it further and further away. Finally he came out!

The first time he just grabbed the little treat and scampered back, but he was still hungry and I held it further away, and finally he came out all in a rush, snapped up the treat, and launched himself onto my shoulder. He’s sitting under my chin now, clinging to my collar and bruxing (grinding his teeth together–it’s how rodents purr).

He’s a lot more clingy than normal, doesn’t even want to crawl down my arm right now, but at least he’s out of the box. He seems to feel safe with me. I’m really glad I can be a shelter for him. It makes me feel strong and useful…and also a little nervous. I don’t want to let him down.

God, I really missed my Baxter over these past two weeks. At least I didn’t get hysterical, like they say I was in the hospital in the first few weeks after. Someone had taken Baxter to a shelter when the police and everybody found…what they found, but I kept crying for him and eventually they brought him to me. He was the only thing that could calm me down. I really was kind of crazy for awhile. Maybe I still am, I don’t know. How can you tell?

I keep pussyfooting around this. About what actually happened, what I need to write about. It was the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. I wish I wasn’t such a coward. I will, I will write about it eventually.

Happy Birthday, Eddie!

Today is a good day. It’s Eddie’s birthday! He’s fifteen now. Today was family celebration and he’s doing something with his friends this weekend. It was fun. We had his favorite foods for supper, and of course ice cream and cake. I baked it and Katelyn and Morgan decorated it. Matt heckled.

I gave Eddie Plants vs. Zombies for his XBox. You can play it cooperatively on the XBox, unlike on the computer, so we played together for awhile. It was fun. I’m really glad that Eddie is willing to hang out with me and do stuff even though I am a girl and technically a sister. He’s a really good kid.

I remember my friends always complaining about their brothers, who teased them or ignored them, mostly. But Nathan and I were always partners. It maybe helped that we were only a year apart, me sixteen and Nathan fifteen when, well, you know when. Esther was ten and Johnny and Kenneth were eight and seven, so Nathan and I looked out for the others. We had a never-ending Monopoly game, too, just the two of us. Both of us had so much money that we made extra $500 bills from cut-up paper bags, and the other kids said we should just scrap it and start over, but we couldn’t, we had to finish. And oh, man, how he groaned when he landed on one of my high-value properties…

Nathan was such a good kid. I hope Eddie’s fifteenth year is better than Nathan’s was.

This video accurately portrays pretty much all I’ve seen of Baxter:

Eddie said I should just reach in and pull him out, but I don’t want to force anyone or anything out of a hiding place where they feel safer than they do outside. Having protection stripped from you, even a flimsy one that you know isn’t really going to do anything, is one of the most awful feelings in the world. I wouldn’t do that to Baxter. He’ll come out when he’s ready.


Baxter has been acting strangely since we got back from the weekend trip. Usually I would just put it down to me being gone for more than two days, which he doesn’t like, but it’s been more than a week and he’s still being weird. I mean, usually when I come back after a few days away he’s desperate to get out of his cage, clinging to the bars of the door until I open it and let him out so he can sniff me and rub all over the way rats do. His way of making sure I’m okay and that no other rats tried to claim me, I think.

But after this trip, he wasn’t hanging on the bars. When I opened the door, he didn’t even come out, just sniffed at me from his hidey box. All I saw was the tip of his nose and his twitchy little whiskers.

And that’s all I’ve seen of him since. I know he’s eating and drinking because I keep refilling his bowl and water bottle, but he doesn’t come out to greet me after school or climb on me to cuddle in my shirt or any of his normal activities. I mean, every day when I get back to my room I close the door and open the cage so he can come out, and always Baxter climbs out in a few minutes (or instantly) to sit on my shoulder and watch me study or whatever. Not lately.

I hope he’s not sick or something. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Baxter. He’s all I have left of my first family.

In other pet news, one of Katelyn’s parakeets died today. Apparently it got its wing stuck in the bottom of the cage, and she found it that way, the other bird hopping around it and tweeting as if it expected a response. (Parakeets are kind of dumb.) No way to tell if it died of fright from being stuck that way or of dehydration or what.

She felt really guilty because she didn’t check on them after we got home after church, didn’t find it until this evening after dinner. She thinks maybe she could have saved it if she’d checked and…well, maybe. Probably not, though. Poor Katelyn.

I feel bad. When I came down the hallway and saw her in her room kneeling by the cage starting to wail, I…I went into my room and closed the door. I could still her hear crying through the walls. It was really loud and heartbroken. I didn’t, I don’t know what to do. Eventually I heard her mom in there, shushing and murmuring, so at least someone went to comfort her. I couldn’t.

I would have known what to do for Esther. I would have hugged her and told her it was okay and it wasn’t her fault. But this isn’t Esther, it’s Katelyn. I love her, of course, but I don’t know her, not really, not yet. I don’t know how to be her sister. I hope I will someday.

Still waking up every night to check everybody, can’t seem to help it. Still haven’t seen any faces, or lack thereof, watching from the windows.